Like the majority of people who call Portland home, I didn’t grow up here. But in the 10 years I’ve been here, I feel like I’ve discovered its finer qualities (even though I only really live here about three months a year). If you’re touring through, I’ve got the lowdown on places to visit and stuff to keep you out of trouble. (If you are looking for trouble, go to our website and email me directly).
EAT AT: Valentine’s (232 SW Ankeny St.)
It’s a sandwich shop open late with a killer Reuben sandwich. They serve our local pride – Stumptown Coffee – and have a full bar. Guess what? It’s also another supersmall but killer venue to play coffee shop-style shows (but you can crank it up to 11). Right across the street is the world famous Voodoo Doughnut (22 SW 3rd Ave.) where, up until recently, you could get doughnuts glazed with Robitussin, NyQuil and Pepto-Bismol before the FDA spanked them. However, you can still get the cream-filled “cock-n-balls” (a phallic-shaped pastry with triple cream filling).
BEFORE THE SHOW, GO TO: Mount Angel Abbey and Seminary (One Abbey Drive, St. Benedict, Oregon)
Don’t be like all the other rock douche bags and go to strip bars. Why go to Mount Angel? It’s the home of the world’s largest hairball, for fuck’s sake! Called “God’s Hairball”, it was found in the swollen belly of a 300-pound pig and donated to the museum.
PLAY AT: Towne Lounge (714 SW 20th Place)
It’s a super-small club that was fostered by Chantelle Hylton from Blackbird Presents… up until recently (now she does booking at New York City’s Knitting Factory). It’s a rock club that has great noise bands, DJ dance nights and a no-B.S. vibe. If you have a booking agent and a small drawn you’ll probably end up at the Doug Fir Lounge (830 E. Burnside St.), but Towne Lounge is the real deal.
AFTER SHOW, GOT TO: My Father’s Place (523 SE Grand Ave.)
Hurry up and pack you crap because places don’t stay open too late for drinks. If you want a bar, hit My Father’s Place. Cocktails are about $2.50 and they serve to the wire. They’re also open 24 hours for food, so if you make it to the morning you can just keep drinking (good pinball machines, too). Also, ask around: there’s always a house party somewhere with a band playing till dawn.
STAY AT: Ace Hotel (1022 SW Stark St.)
I have no idea what it costs to stay at this downtown hotel [rooms run $85 to $250 per night – ed.] – it looks a little “smanshy”, but it has a good vibe. One of the managers keeps telling us that they “want rock people to stay there”, so call them up and tell them that after a show, you like to fuck like a hog all night while snorting pills off a stripper’s ass. I guess you’ll get a discount.
REMEMBER TO: Leave your umbrella at home
Yeah, it rains here, but no one uses umbrellas and you’ll look a toot if you do.
SOURCE: Alternative Press Magazine